Sunday, September 12, 2004


All I Want For Christmas. . . Is A Shuttle Computer.

Last week, walking through Best Buy with my buddy Mike, I saw my very first Shuttle XPC computer, the Warwick Davis of desktop computing.

Needless to say, I was very impressed. Compact, totally silent, and amazingly light. I mean, I've eaten burritos heavier than this thing. All the functionality and performance of a full-size desktop in a heat-pipe cooled case the size of a large shoebox. To top it off, great reviews in the trade rags.

A bit more expensive than your typical computer, but still affordable. I mean, c'mon-- have you seen how cheap computers are nowadays? I didn't feel guilty for even thinking about buying one straight off the Best Buy shelf.

Until I purchased the Garfield Ridge Bozoputer, I've always had to deal with family hand-me-downs. Some decent WINTEL clones, some crappy WINTEL clones, and a malevolent "Packard Hell" that I swear tried to swallow my eternal soul during one particularly nasty blue-screen-of-death.

After I moved to Los Angeles back in 2000, I simply couldn't deal with all that junk anymore, so I ordered a top-of-the-line AMD Athlon from Gateway. I finally had a computer built to my precise specifications, capable of running every application and high-graphics game then on the market, and all for the low price of just under $163,500 (when adjusted for 2004 dollars).

Seriously-- just look at how effin small that thing is.

The Garfield Ridge Bozoputer worked absolutely flawlessly for the first two years that I had it, but sadly is now approaching its Waterloo.

I've long had a theory about WINTEL machines: not only are they inherently unstable, but fundamentally so. Basically, they come out of the box a "Dead CPU Clocking," with a practical lifespan of two years, three if you're lucky. Certainly not four years, the age of the Bozoputer.

Eventually, you load enough competing drivers, install/uninstall enough programs, and get swamped by enough evil spyware that the Windows code simply degrades into an unintelligible mush. The Bozoputer now has all sorts of idiosyncrasies, crashing harder than Nick Nolte on a Sunday morning. No sooner do I fix something when something else will break.

Now, I could just wipe everything, reformat the drives, install Windows XP, and start over (Yes, I still have Windows Millennium Edition, a.k.a. "Exhibit A in Bill Gates' impending trial for crimes against humanity"). But I'd still be left with a wheezing obsolete computer that can't even play the *trailer* for Doom 3 without stuttering.

I could buy a laptop, but I want the high-end performance you can only get from a desktop. That, and I'd lose or break a laptop, because I'm a careless idiot.

I could also buy a Macintosh. Then again, I could also buy a PT Cruiser, move to Dupont Circle, and start dating a 6'3" Argentinean waiter named "Chip." These are all things I will not do.

So, I've decided that sometime soon, I will have to nuke the site from orbit, just to be sure.

And after I do, I want a Shuttle. Please don't tell the Bozoputer.

Buy a Mac :)

I love all of mine much more than my winbloze machines :)

Have a great day,
But if I give up and buy a Mac, surely the terrorists will have won?
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