Wednesday, September 15, 2004

 

Boycott CBS? Yeah, Sure, Count Me In.

Bill at INDC Journal thinks it's time to boycott CBS over Rathergate. Allah and Ace agree.

All I have to say is: welcome to the party, pals.

I've boycotted CBS for years. You know why? Two words: CBS Fucking Sports.

Sure, all my football teams are NFC. But never mind that; CBS Sports productions are AWFUL.

They take the greatest game on turf and make it less exciting than golf. *Ladies* golf.

And if its CBS forgery that you want, just go visit their "SportsLine."

*YOU* try and tell me that's really Jim Nantz in the upper-right corner. He hasn't had that much hair since Reagan bombed Libya.

Frauds.

Oh yeah, and Armen Keteyian's mom drank hydraulic fluid while she carried him in the womb. It's a fact, you can look it up.


Armen Keteyian: Hooch Baby.

Only CBS would think it's a smart idea to hire not just Boomer Esiason, but also Dan Dierdorf. The two worst booth men to ever call a down. All CBS needs to do now is hire Bill Walton-- and teach him football, maybe using blocks and shit-- and they can grab the Crap Trifecta.

All CBS has going for it is CSI: Peoria, Nobody Loves Raymond, and that show where Duckie and Charlie Sheen play a gay couple raising a kid.

BTW, does anyone know if Pecker is still on? Man, that Ted Danson is hilarious. It's really obvious he was the comic heart of Cheers during all those years.

CBS even killed Letterman's soul.

Seriously, CBS is an experiment gone horribly wrong, one that's lasted for far too long. It's a Do Over. Let's scrap the Tiffany network already and sell it for parts.

In fact, I'd nuke the site from orbit; it's the only way to be sure.

Just give me 24-7 FOX already. Fair and balanced news, Simpsons, Arrested Development, Bernie Mac, animals attacking, Man Versus Beast, Glutton Bowl, COPS, and Terry Effin' Bradshaw repeatedly kicking Howie Long in the junk.

All that's missing is the beer and steak, served to me by one Miss Jillian Barberie.

BAH! MUST SMASH CBS!

------------
OBLIGATORY LIBEL DISCLAIMER: To the best of Garfield Ridge's knowledge, Armen Keteyian's mother did not drink while pregnant. This statement was made purely as parody, and is protected as such under the First Amendment.

However, rumors of her huffing household cleaners cannot be confirmed at this time.

Comments:
"FOX already. Fair and balanced news"

You really are blind to reality.
 
Dear Anonymous:

Blind. . . LIKE A FOX!
 
Garfield Ridge,
The one bright spot for CBS Sports is their Golf coverage. For the record Golf is the only thing I watch on CBS. ABC has the worst Golf coverage. Not that you have the time to compare. CBS is the only network to cover The Masters(the pinnacle of golf broadcasts). My on beef is Bob Costas covering the Masters. He covers too many sports and looks and sounds like a Stepford Husband. Take a look at "Tin Cup" and you will see Frank Chirkinian playing himself as the broadcast producer. He is the man to credit with CBS' fine golf coverage. Also, noteworthy is Gary McCord playing himself. He is a former player and current commentator. He has a big mouth, and a big "Cookie Duster" moustache above it. He is an obnoxious self styled gadfly with very little insight. Some years ago while commentating for the Masters broadast he made crass statements that precipitated his departure. Fortunately the men who run the Masters knew where to draw the line. CBS abided. If you want to see the founding statement on sports coverage check out Leni Rienenstahl's "Olympia" This coverage of the 1936 Olympic games in Berlin is the blueprint.
 
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