Saturday, September 11, 2004
Hijackers Surprised To Find Selves In Hell.
"I was promised I would spend eternity in Paradise, being fed honeyed cakes by 67 virgins in a tree-lined garden, if only I would fly the airplane into one of the Twin Towers," said Mohammed Atta, one of the hijackers of American Airlines Flight 11, between attempts to vomit up the wasps, hornets, and live coals infesting his stomach. "But instead, I am fed the boiling feces of traitors by malicious, laughing Ifrit. Is this to be my reward for destroying the enemies of my faith?"
Sorry, I couldn't resist at least a bit of dark humor today, at least not any made at the expense of evil mass murderers. The Onion's archives are now behind a subscription wall, but here's a page that has most of the relevant stories from The Onion's September 11th issue, including the one above.