Monday, September 06, 2004

 

Michael Moore To Forgo Best Documentary Oscar Nomination.

He intends to submit Fahrenheit 9/11 for a "Best Picture" nomination instead.

Hat tip: Drudge.

Seeking further detail on Mr Moore's bold decision, I visited his website, so you don't have to.

The director of Canadian Bacon reminds how important it is that every American-- man, women, child, and stem-cell-- see this important film because of its importance to this important election.

He quotes a "well-known pollster who had often worked for Republicans":

Essentially, 80% of the people going IN to see your movie are already likely Kerry voters. . . but, here's the bad news for Bush: Though 80% going IN to your movie are Kerry voters, 100% of those COMING OUT of your movie are Kerry voters. You can't come out of this movie and say, 'I am absolutely and enthusiastically voting for George W. Bush.
Garfield Ridge can confirm that this well-known Republican pollster is actually, yep, you guessed it, Frank Stallone.



Continuing on, Moore laments that not every zygote in America has seen his opus, and discusses his plans to find a television outlet to broadcast his film. Sadly, it seems that no one has stepped up to the plate and purchased this important film for television distribution. I don't see why not; the film has made over $100 million at the box office, which my back-of-the-envelope calculations show is over a hundred times the annual salary of CNBC megastar John McEnroe.

However, there's one problem with Moore's anguished drive to get Fahrenheit 9/11 on television before the November elections. The Motion Picture Academy of America has a rule that any film nominated for the Best Documentary award cannot have appeared on television less than nine months after its theatrical release. I believe Jack Valenti refers to this as the "Little Bit Pregnant" rule. Mr. Moore clarifies that this "grossly unfair" rule (my words, not his-- he had cookie dough in his mouth at the time) does not apply to fiction films.

Read that line again: the rule does not apply to fiction films. Feel free to return to this column once you've finished ironing out the irony from that line.

Oh sure, everyone in the Academy will know that Fahrenheit 9/11 is still really a documentary, but if nominated for Best Picture it has the added advantage of competing against fictional works. That is, unless, Baby Geniuses 2: Superbabies is also nominated for Best Picture, as that movie is actually a fact-based account of the legal career of John Edwards.

Michael Moore spends lots of time on his website arguing with himself over whether to eat the last swiss cake roll. He also spends time arguing whether it makes more sense to hold out for the guaranteed Best Documentary Oscar, or by airing Fahrenheit 9/11 on television before the election, forgo the Best Documentary nomination to instead roll the dice on a Best Picture award.

If he were taking my advice, I would definitely recommend that Moore go for Best Picture. One, all the liberal voters in the Academy will still vote for it, regardless of the category. Two, all the conservative voters in the Academy (Tom Selleck, Bruce Willis, and that guy in Robocop who would buy everything for a dollar) will also vote for it, as it certainly was the best work of fiction in 2004.

BTW, don't bother posting comments to the effect "If only you had seen the movie, man, your eyes would be open, man. Dude, Halliburton controls the Trilateral Commission! Saddam Hussein owned stock options!" I did see the movie, for free. I committed blatant theft as I purchased tickets for Steven Spielberg's delightfully witty yet poignant film The Terminal, and I then proceeded to sneak into Fahrenheit 9/11, and I stayed until the very end. I could spend hours talking about the film, but without really knowing the Latin Rights of Exorcism, I wouldn't convince anyone who's been possessed by its evil spirit, so why bother? It's late, it's cold, and there are wolves after me.

But I can tell you that I was one of those statistical outliers who went into the theater a Bush voter, and actually came out of the theater a member of the Bush family. So, I question Mr. Stallone's polling methodology.

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