Friday, October 29, 2004

 

Al Jazeera To Air Bin Laden "Video."

Reuters, here.

Wonderful. More election-influencing bullshit from beyond the grave.

How many times do we have to cover this?

OSAMA BIN LADEN IS DEAD.

Unless he shows up on this video wearing a Red Sox "2004 World Champions" hat and joking about Ashlee Simpson's lip syncing, I'm not going to believe that he's still alive.

An egomaniac like Bin Laden would have slipped up at least once in the past few years.

Riddle me this, readers: if the hunt for Bin Laden has been so ineffective as critics charge, how come he's never shown up once on TV? I mean, we get videos of Zarqawi all the time, holding up hostage heads. He's not afraid of getting publicity. Neither is Mookie Al-Sadr in Iraq, who holds freakin' press conferences, even after he was nominated public enemy number one.

Oh, that's right: Bin Laden is dead, so he can't show up on TV. Unless it's via more of that annoying Electronic Voice Phenomena again.



Interestingly enough, it's moments like these that shine the light on just how awful Al Jazeera really is. Hell, if *ABC* can take time to authenticate a tape, you'd think Al Jazeera would do the same, if, that is, they wanted to achieve ABC's outstanding standards of journalistic excellence. As it stands, they're about as credible a source for news as listening to Matt Damon read Highlights for Children.

Hey, you know what, Al Jazeera? I've got a brand new, made in 2004, very special episode of Webster, one where George Papadapolis blows away a 54-year old Pakistanian clerk while holding up a WaWa, just so he can steal the money to pay for Emmanuel Lewis's painful surgery to lengthen his legs, Gattaca-style.

Trust me on this, guys-- it'll be a ratings GOLDMINE. Especially in the United Arab Emirates, they sure love their midgets.

Anyways, what else is going to happen in the next few days? We've had the missing explosives, we've had the GADAHHHHHN! video, and now we have this. What's next? A young Laura Bush in a scheisse film entitled The Doodie Decimal System?

Sigh. Next Tuesday feels like the last Tuesday of next year's first week.

Comments:
If he's dead, what do you make of the Kerry and Florida references? I'm sympathetic to the Bin Laden is dead school, but I waiting for the audio to be shown as a chop job.
 
HMMMMMMM.....I've come to question anything this one-sided, maybe it's Dan Rather in a UBL mask....Hell, stick one on my daughter and voila! UBL!
 
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