Tuesday, October 26, 2004


Kill all our enemies, and sow their fields with salt.

There, I said it.

Sure, it makes me a warmongerer. But ya know what? Peace is overrated.

Besides, *everyone* wants peace, right? My stance permits me to exploit an untapped market.

I get to be the crazy drunken Uncle Dave nobody wants to talk to until they realize that Uncle Dave is the only guy who knows how to clear wasp nest out of the yard.

I believe that we can never have enough wars-- at least wars that we win.

I believe that we should stop building nuclear weapons-- and start getting some use out of the ones we already have.

I believe that might still makes right in international relations.

But hey, I know-- I'm in the minority. I'm shunned as "uncivilized," some sort of morally repugnant monster.

Fine by me, if the alternative is to be THIS GUY. (Hat tip: The Corner).

I watched his video and listened to his song, and my head hurt. I'm also pretty sure my testicles crawled up into my body in homage to eunuchs everywhere.

Pal, you protesteth toeth mucheth.

The lyrics are all cute and rambling and can be read here. I could pick apart everything, but I'll restrain myself to just a few:

Looks like freedom to me
Expressions of liberty
Wanting our America to be
A responsible hegemony

Good, we agree. I want America to be a hegemony as well.

Oh, wait. . . I don't think he understands what the word means. Just qualifying it with "responsible" doesn't change the fact that America-- and not the United Nations, or the San Francisco City Council-- would be in charge. Is he sure he wants that? Is that his final answer?

Didn't know I was a communist
For wanting to share the wealth

No, as long as we're talking about *your* wealth, and not *my* wealth. See, the opportunity to make my own wealth is what feeds me, clothes me, gives me health care, and allows me to provide that to others through taxation and charity. If I didn't have the opportunity to earn my own wealth, my standard of living would resemble a communist's, and the only thing I'd have left over to share would be misery.

Didn't know I'd be labeled a terrorist
For daring to speak my mind
It's becoming more precarious
For failing to toe the line

First off-- prove to me that anything you've said, or anything your friends have ever said, have resulted in something bad happening to you. I simply do not believe it. We've heard this tripe for three years now, and no American is being punished for "speaking their mind." Gee, I must've missed the Supreme Court hearing about the Dixie Chicks imprisonment in Gitmo.

Hell, Michael Moore made over a $100 million for speaking his mind. I'm in the wrong biz, *I* should speak my mind more often.

Didn't know I was in the minority
Of people who love the Earth
I hope it becomes a priority
Before it gets any worse

Our air and water is cleaner than it was a hundred years ago. Perhaps someone should tell this guy to learn the lyrics in Chinese. Or Arabic--

Didn't know I hated my country
For acknowledging the Truth
This war is despicable profiteering
At the expense of our youth

To begin, Halliburton (the "worst" profiteerer) hasn't made any money on this war. And you know what? I wish they made gobs of money. Because they are one of a handful of companies to go into the shittiest countries in the shitties part of the world and work while assholes try to bomb and kidnap them, all so the little brown and yellow and red children our singer loves so much can attend a school with a roof over the head, and drink a glass of water without getting seat worms. We *ought* to be rewarding companies like Halliburton.

And for the weapons makers. . . I deal with them every day. I think a lot of them are the shadiest, crappiest businesses in America. Like all massive corporations, they play some truly dirty pool.

That said, if a profit motive makes them more competitive, they may be able to provide our armed forces with better weapons, and if that means we can kill our enemies in spectacularly horrific ways, then I'm all for it. Because the faster our enemies die, or the quicker they are deterred, the faster our boys and girls can come home, and the faster we can all enjoy a just peace.

I know it's just a song
But if the whole world sang along
How much longer would it be this way?

Not very long at all, I'm sure. We'd all be dead, or worshipping Allah at gunpoint. Or, if we followed your advice thirty years ago, praising Lenin. Or, sixty years ago, goosestepping while we wonder where all those dang Jews went.

To paraphrase Thomas Aquinas, an unjust peace is worse than a just war. And a just war is not only virtuous to fight, it can be unvirtuous to *not* fight a just war. Our cause demands that we do all that we can towards victory.

If I rationally thought for a moment that marching and singing would bring victory, I'd be wearing dreadlocks and smelling like patchouli right now. But such thoughts have never brought peace when faced with tyranny-- it's only brought the peace of defeat, and the peace of the dead.

Don't take my word for it; just ask the Melians.

Anways, here's my last thought, a question:

If all we need is peace, where are all the Muslim peace protestors? If love and joy and positive thinking are all that's needed for peace and harmony, why isn't Zarqawi marching through Fallujah like Gandhi? Why isn't Arafat speaking in Jerusalem like Martin Luther King? Why aren't there as many people in Damascus and Gaza and Tehran marching with banners calling for peace as there are in New York, San Francisco, or London?

Is it perhaps because they are intent on fighting us, regardless if we bomb them, or if we sing to them?

Since singing never killed anybody, I guess that leaves bombing them.

Hush warmongerer...

I too dream of the day when people fear having the American Army stop by as much as a Grozny slum lord fears a visit from the young men of Mother Russia, but if you keep it up, the highly liberal instution that sanctions our ability to carp about international realtions will want its diplomas back...

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