Wednesday, December 01, 2004


All-Cereal Restaurant Opens in Philly.

It feels like I've waited all my life for this:
Behind glass-door kitchen-style cabinets at Cereality are 30 varieties of brand-name cold cereal. Customers order from "cereologists," whose most popular mix is two 8-ounce scoops with one of 36 toppings, plus regular, flavored or soy milk for $2.95. Also offered are cereal bars and made-to-order cereal smoothies and yogurt blends.
I am not kidding when I say this idea is right up there with the renaissance, and Police Cops.

Although, sad to say, some people don't seem to get the point. I call these people "gayrods":
"This is great because you can try all different kinds and not have to buy the whole box," said Penn freshman Erica Denhoff, 18, as she munched on a healthy concoction of Quaker Oat Squares, Corn Chex and yogurt flax bark with skim milk. "I'm on the track team. ... I eat cereal for breakfast and for a snack if I need energy."
Sweet merciful Christ. Erica's kneeling at the altar of Our Lady of Sweet Sugary Salvation, and she's eating something called flax bark.

In skim milk.

I don't even know Erica, and I can tell she's a no-fun, icy, she-bitch who probably likes cats and book club. Sure, Erica may get an ass you can bounce a Corn Puff on from all that running, but it's not like Erica would ever let a scruffy chunk of Dave-love near it.

That's fine, because I could never let a woman come between me and culinary bliss such as this:
Cereality also offers its own combos with names reminiscent of Ben and Jerry's ice creams. John Merz, a 27-year-old Penn employee, was bowled over by Devil Made Me Do It -- an ambrosial elixir of Cocoa Puffs, Lucky Charms, chocolate crunchies and malt balls, topped with milk.
The only thing that would make this better is if they added Cocoa Pebbles, and maybe replaced the milk with Yoo-Hoo. Or, I know-- Kayo!

Hmmm. The metallic tin-can aftertaste of Kayo sometimes makes me think I've swallowed a padlock. Better stick with the Yoo-Hoo.

Seriously folks, I'm really hoping this place succeeds and ends up making it down here. It'd sure help mix up the diet around Garfield Ridge. I swear I eat more Mexican food than. . . well. . . people from Mexico.

Must. . . have. . . cereal. . .
I freakin' love cereal. This sounds amazing and I am a cereal junkie. I want a mix of reese's puffs and golden grahams with whole milk. My 4 year old will take Cinnamon Toast Crunch with Rice Krispies in Chocolate Milk.

I am with you on this one, Dave. "The Cereal Must Flow"

Any of those Marine Corps sized duffel bags of puffed rice in the back room?

Big Al
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