Thursday, December 30, 2004


AP: Poker Champ Fights Off Attackers.

Readers, I'm a TV poker junkie.

Mind you, I can't play the game worth a damn. I lose money in cards so fast, I don't even bother playing anymore. In fact, I'm so bad at cards, I embarrass my brother, who loves his table games.

Alas, when I walk into a casino, my first objective is usually to find the sports book, because at least there I know the game will be on. Yet, I still love *watching* the action, and Las Vegas is one of the great people-watching cities of the world.

And the moment some brilliant ESPN producer asked, "Hey, how come we're always showing Midget Logrolling, when we could be broadcasting No-Limit Texas Hold 'Em?," I was hooked.

One disappointment of this year, however, was that I kept missing the final round of the World Series of Poker. Every time it got broadcast, I was someplace else. Eventually, I forgot about keeping the winner a surprise, and discovered it was Greg "Fossilman" Raymer. Finally, just this past Sunday night, in a suburban Chicago hotel room near midnight, I got to watch the final round, and see for myself how Raymer won.

If you can't spot the sucker in the first half hour at the table, then you ARE the sucker.

It was perhaps the damn luckiest poker I've ever seen. Raymer won flops when he was tied in the odds. He won flops when he was down in the odds. It was simply amazing how fast he tore through the final table of competition.

Well, now it sounds like Raymer's luck is *still* holding:
LAS VEGAS - Greg Raymer, the 2004 World Series of Poker champion, apparently knows how to wield more than a stack of chips when everything is riding on it.

The soft-spoken patent attorney from Stonington, Conn., fought off a pair of attackers Dec. 20 at the Bellagio hotel-casino after he had finished playing a cash game of poker, according to a Las Vegas police report.

Raymer was returning to his room about 2 a.m. when two men approached, the report said. As he opened the door to the room, they tried to push him in.

But the heavyset Raymer resisted and began struggling with the men, the report said. As he was fighting, one of the men pulled out a gun and said: "We just want the money."

But Raymer didn't give up, and yelled for security, causing the men to flee.
Something tells me that, after winning a cool $5 million at the World Series of Poker, Raymer probably has enough ducats to share with a bodyguard. Hell, given all the positive press of having the world champion choose to gamble at your casino, one would think the Bellagio would offer Raymer a retainer, just somebody to walk around with the guy like some "poker remora."

Hey, how come you never see this kind of stuff happening to Johnny Chan? I'll tell ya why. Because he's Johnny *Fucking* Chan, that's why.

The "Fossilman" moniker doesn't exactly foster an imposing & intimidating reputation. I'd say Raymer may need to work on his nickname for World Series 2005.

I personally would like to see someone beat the hell out of Phill Hellmuth. I know if i was at the table with him i would probably lunge across the felt and shove 20k worth of chips down his whiney wussy belligerent assclown throat!

Ok, I feel better now!

Happy New Year!

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