Sunday, December 12, 2004

 

Giving The Finger To The Jihadis.

A week or so ago, Ace had a posting about a soccer player who, while jumping up a fence to celebrate a goal he had just scored, proceeded to catch his finger in the fence, severing it as he came back down.

Yup, pretty horrible. Then again, I scoffed at the story.

So what? It was an accident. You want hardcore? Skip that candy-ass display of running back and forth called "soccer," and turn to *real* football.

Two words: Ronnie Fucking Lott:
The archetypal anecdote about Ronnie Lott recounts the time, late in the 1985 season, when doctors recommended surgery to repair the tip of his left pinky finger. The 49ers' star defensive back didn't want to miss any playing time in recuperation, so he chose a simpler procedure. He had the finger amputated above the third knuckle. He didn't miss a down.

Lott brought new meaning to the phrase "leaving it all on the field."

Okay, so you can lose your finger, or you can sacrifice a finger. In the pantheon of stories related to the latter, I bring you this tale of a battlefield Yakuza:
When Marine Lance Cpl. David Battle learned he'd either have to sacrifice his ring finger or the wedding band he wore, he told doctors at a field hospital in Iraq to cut off the finger.

The 19-year-old suffered a mangled left hand and serious wounds to his legs in a November 13 fire fight in Falluja. Battle, who is recovering at his parents' home in this desert city 130 kilometers (80 miles) northeast of Los Angeles, came under attack as he and fellow Marines entered a building. Eleven other Marines were wounded.

Doctors were preparing to cut off Battle's ring to save as much of his finger as they could.

"But that would mean destroying my wedding ring," he said. "My wife is the strongest woman I know. She's basically running two people's lives since I've been gone. I don't think I could ever repay her or show her how grateful ... how much I love my wife, my soul mate."
Wow, that's love. Ridiculous, stupid love.

Dude, it's just a ring. If your wife loves you, she'll understand. If she doesn't, well. . . what is she going to demand you cut off next time to prove your love?

The worst part of this story? Surprisingly, it's *not* the whole "cutting off the finger" bit:
With his approval, doctors severed his finger, but somehow in the chaos that followed, they lost his ring.
Good lord.

How, precisely, is this possible? I mean, you go through all that trouble to save the ring, and then you lose it??? Something tells me that you'd remember something like this.

Hey, if you think you're going to forget your wedding ring, why not tie some yarn around your finger to remember it?

Or, better yet, *LOOK DOWN AT YOUR MISSING FINGER.* That should be a good enough reminder to remember where you put your wedding ring.

This is by far the worst finger-loss story since James Woods tried to quit smoking in Cat's Eye.

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