Monday, December 27, 2004


I Need A Vacation.

Sheesh, I'm back only a few hours and I'm already exhausted.

But guess what! Tomorrow, it's back to Rummy's Slave Pits of Woe, to get lashed back up to the Wheel of Pain.

I checked my work email over the weekend, which was simply a very bad call. Nothing but frustration and suffering efficiently packaged into electrons, all waiting to cause me much anguish a little over twelve hours from now.

An observation: let's face it, this week kinda sucks.

The week between Christmas and New Year's is spent traveling, or returning gifts, or hungover. Or, if you're most lucky, at work, toiling away for The Man.

All the toys from under the tree are now either broken or boring. The tree itself taunts you from the corner, "You better take me down soon, or else you're a loser."

And then there's New Year's Eve, the Thalidomide stepsister of Valentine's Day.

You know just what I mean: all pressure, no payoff. I've had maybe three good New Year's Eves in my life, and two of them involved enough alcohol to make me forget why they were good.

And I expect this year to definitely be in the gutter. I mean, c'mon, even Dick Clark isn't looking forward to midnight this year.

But hey, I've got a great idea how to celebrate New Year's Eve! As a fifth wheel on a double date!

For $90 I get to eat cold appetizers, "dance" to screeching American Idol B-sides, and watch not one but *two* couples fight it out for my viewing pleasure.

Hmmm. Perhaps I'll instigate something. With charges of infidelity. Or blood leeches in the house salad.

Who knows? While I'm partying, I may even run into Wonkette. If I do, I hope I get a chance to kick her in the junk. Just for giggles, you know.


Hey, at least it's a three-day weekend, right?

If you kick Wonkette, I want to see pictures.
I HATED NY Eve when I was single, and couldn't care less about it now that I'm married. (Two whole weeks, that's still weird). But you're right, some possible instigation starters (to be addressed in front of the SOs):
"Mary! I'm sorry I didn't get to talk to you at (Your favorite strip club here) but I wanted to tell you that you were fabulous!"
"Heh, heh, Bob, so what did Jane think of those new golf clubs? I mean, I know they were expensive and all, but surely she didn't mind you skimping on your Christmas present to her?"
"George, did Mary absolutely LOVE that diamond necklace you bought her? Wait, it wasn't for her?"
"Oh you're so right, Jane, that guy at the bar is hung like a horse. From what you've told me, he'd be quite a change for you, huh?"

Chris's wife and fellow instigator,
Ha ha ha-- thanks for the tips Cheryl. I'll try to put those to good use :-).

Congrats on the wedding!
But none of the people who you will be joining for New Year's Eve are named Jane or Mary?!?! I think you'll be sitting at the kids' table. . .

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