Friday, December 03, 2004

 

Jason Giambi Has Smaller Testicles Than I Do, Film At 11.

Son of Nixon has a post up about New York Yankee slugger Jason Giambi's admission before a federal grand jury that he used steroids.

Nix, the loyal citizen of Red Sox Nation, quotes a San Francisco Chronicle article referring to Giambi's recent health problems.

If you followed baseball this season, you'll know that Giambi sat on the bench for much of it, first because he reportedly suffered from an intestinal parasite, who he liked to refer to as Strippy.

Okay, I made that last bit up.

However, after the parasite cleared up, there was a second, mystery illness afflicting Giambi, a disease that everyone in the Yankees organization sat tight-lipped about.


I'm not saying Jason Giambi was on steroids, but everyone noticed something different during training camp.

Following the steroid admission, the Chronicle piece adds this interesting bit of news:

The New York Daily News reported Sept. 3 that the tumor was in his pituitary gland, which is at the base of the brain, and that Giambi's secrecy had stemmed from fears that news about the diagnosis would lead to further speculation about steroid use. Medical experts told The Chronicle that Clomid, the female fertility drug that Giambi was questioned about, can exacerbate a tumor of the pituitary gland. The drug's label warns physicians not to prescribe Clomid to patients with pituitary tumors.
Let me begin by saying that there is not enough baseball cash in the world that can make me take a female fertility drug. Estrogen, I'm fine with; it helps me fill out the Bro.

Now, I'm no doctor, although I sometimes play one while soaking in the tub. Still, I'm pretty confident in making the blanket assertion that *OF COURSE* Giambi's problems stemmed from his steroid use. Why else would he and the Yankees keep quiet about it otherwise?

Hell, I've seen the inside of Katie Couric's colon. I'm sure that if Jason Giambi was suffering from a life-threatening illness that had no possible relation to steroid use, we'd have seen him crying on Dr. Phil's shoulders five times by now, and Bryant Gumbel would be praising his courage on HBO's Real Sports.

As it stands, he stayed quiet, the Yankees stayed quiet, and now we all know: Jason Giambi was on the Jamba Juice.

It'll be interesting to see where this trial goes, and if Giambi names any names. Just as it appeared that baseball was finally settled back into the role of America's pasttime, here comes all this. I just hope the Player's Union is smart enough to realize they have no other choice but to submit to widespread, random and thorough drug testing. It's the only way to ensure the integrity of the sport.

Comments:
"soaking in the tub"

It's the holiday season, but that's too much sharing dude. Like the Sgt Slaughter comparison. Dead on.

Slainte,
SoN
 
Dude! You post like an animal! I'm lucky to get out maybe 2 or three posts a week but I've seen you do that in one day. And your posts aren't just little squibs down the line or pool cue shots back to the pitcher, your posts are all 450 feet jacks to dead center. Seems like last year you weren't posting as prolifically as you are now........Hmmmmmmmm........

And your hands in your latest profile photo are like freaky huge.........Hmmmmmmmmmm..........

I propose that Dave at Garfield Ridge have his hands subject to the most rigorous testing for the presence of banned substances.

I accuse DGR of using the Balco Balm as handcream and that all his posting achievements be strickent from the blogging record book. (unless you can hook me up with the juice)

Big Al
Jesushadatatoo
 
Dude! You post like an animal! I'm lucky to get out maybe 2 or 3 posts a week but I've seen you do that in one day. And your posts aren't just little squibs down the line or pool cue shots back to the pitcher, your posts are all 450 feet jacks to dead center. Seems like last year you weren't posting as prolifically as you are now........Hmmmmmmmm........

And your hands in your latest profile photo are like freaky huge with an extra finger!.........Hmmmmmmmmmm..........

I propose that Dave at Garfield Ridge have his hands subject to the most rigorous testing for the presence of banned substances.

I accuse DGR of using the Balco Balm as handcream and that all his posting achievements be stricken from the blogging record book. (unless you can hook me up with the juice)

Big Al
Jesushadatatoo
 
Sorry for the double post. The first one was foul. You can't hide the "stupid" chromosome.

Big Al
 
Trust me, I'm doing this all completely drug-free.

Booze isn't considered a drug, right?
 
De Nile ain't just a river in.....ah......DAMN!
 
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