Saturday, December 18, 2004


Least Popular Guest Bloggers.

Readers, I'm going on vacation next week. I'm going to see the friends and family in the Great Midwest, relax, recenter, etc.

Oh, and try to go on a world-class drunk.

Anyways, friend, co-worker, and all-around pain-in-my-Goddamn-ass Garfield Ridge reader Angus brought up the issue of his "guest blogging" on my website while I am away.

Yeah, sure pal. Right after Old Scratch goes ice-skating on the Styx.

The ice! is gonna. BREAK!

However, I do think it's inevitable that I'll have to resort to a guest blogger at some point. Unlike Allah the Creator of Worlds, I just don't think I could tolerate leaving the blog fallow for days (let alone months) on end.

Hell, if I did that, I might as well start throwing empties on the carpet, and let two hundred shitting piss-cats claw inside the walls of my house.

Anyways, while I continue my search for the perfect guest blogger, I can pretty much rule out the following Least Popular Garfield Ridge Guest Bloggers:

-- Estelle Getty.
-- Janeane Garofalo.
-- John "Little Ignorant Shit" Pike.
-- Dr. Zaius.
-- Mohammed Atta's Holy Virgin #47.
-- Senor Wences.

Seriously, what the fuck was *that* all about?

-- Anyone whose name rhymes with a female body part.
-- The Mongolian pirate living in my closet who tells me to "burn it, burn it all, burn everything."
-- Richard Clarke.
-- Snap, the Rice Krispies elf (you know, the gay one).

Snap just can't get enough of that sugary cock. Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course.

-- Ron Goldman's Dad.
-- Goatboy.
-- Frank Rich
-- Rich Little
-- Richie Rich
-- Any of those jack-ninnies who write for Slate. Except for Hitch, but only if he doesn't drink all my booze.

UPDATE: As an aside-- I wrote the "Snap is gay" bit, and then went looking online for a picture of him. You know where I found the picture above?

On a site that maintains that Snap is, in fact, gay. Along with a slew of other fictional characters.


The internet: is there anything it can't do?

I took the quiz, and it turns out I'm a homophobe. Huh. I'll try to be more sensitive.
The quiz said I was a homophobe too. Sorry Dave. Now tell us about these "friends" in the midwest.

Just kidding of course. We all know Dave isn't gay, and even if he was, we'd be okay with it.

But he's definitly not.

As far as we know.
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