Monday, December 27, 2004

 

The Long And Short Of It.

I could spend a lot of time recapping the vacation, but I'd just end up boring you. Here's the bullet summary:

-- Chicago is still very, very cold.
-- A.J., my best friend in Chicago, who I was staying with for the first few days, had the flu. Like, violent-projectile-vomiting-kills-thousands-of-African-children-each-year-variety flu. While bad for him, 'twas not a big deal for me, as I could entertain myself in a Hanoi POW camp with nothing but nipple clamps and a car battery. However, being exposed to the flu ruined my. . .
-- Trip to Wisconsin, to visit my friends Shevonne & Paul and their two young (>3 years old) children. Not wanting to give any of them a nasty communicable disease, I waved off the trip, which meant. . .
-- Sitting around A.J.'s house for a few days. I read a lot, watched really awful TV, and went and saw the movie Ray (short version: very good, excellent performance, but a little too Hallmark for my tastes).
-- Later in the week I saw Meet The Fokkers. I've read in-flight magazines more entertaining than the movie. It's not quite bad; it's simply so painfully bland as to be perfectly inert, like Argon.
-- I refuse to share any stories involving my Dad.
-- No, really.
-- It's simply too embarrassing. He's like a 70-year old Homer Simpson, only not funny. Oh, sure, he's funny on the outside, but when you're on the inside, like family, it's just plain mortifying. Oh well.
-- Did I mention how freakin' cold it was in Chicago?
-- Christmas itself was nice. My brother and I went and saw my late mother's side of the family, whom we hadn't seen in some time. They're *slightly* less nuts than my Dad's side of the family, which is worth some sanity. It was a perfectly charming time, especially after the vodka shots.
-- My brother even won money at the family poker game. He'd been waiting all his life for that moment. Good on him; he took money from, like, four seventy-year olds. Hope their Social Security doesn't run out this winter.
-- Speaking of gambling, I discovered the perfect advertisement for Atlantic City: casino gambling in Hammond, Indiana. If there's a more wretched, depressed hell in America than a barge full of slots riding low in Lake Michigan ice, I have yet to see it.

More later. . . I have to warm up my house. I shut the heat off when I left, and I came back to a meat locker. I was debating dousing myself in lighter fluid just to speed the process along, it's that cold.

Hey-- it feels just like home!

Comments:
Yes, but was it really cold??
 
Joe, it was so cold, I saw a penguin hump a polar bear just to stay warm.
 
Dude! That's friggin' COLD!
 
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