Wednesday, December 29, 2004

 

The Mach 3 Razor Scam.

Readers, I'm a man. And, as a man, I have certain needs. One of those manly needs is to greet the day with a freshly shaven face.

I've never been able to make due with electric razors, and a permanent straight edge makes me nervous, so I've always been a disposable man.

The trouble with disposables, of course, is that so many suck. You can't rely on the store-brand three packs, or else you'll mangle your face faster than you can say "Mason Verger." Nope, it's nothing but the fancy stuff for me.

As every man knows by now, a few years back the "gold standard" of disposable razors arrived on the scene: the Gilette Mach 3 razor. Not just one blade, not just two blades-- no sir, it has *three* blades for that oh-so-close shave.

Here's my problem, and the reason for this post: these things are like dime bags of Bolivian rock.

I'm serious: if one ran the math, I suspect that for the actual weight of the metal blades, you're paying a price close to that begged by your high-priced vanity narcotics.


I'm not kidding: do you know the street value of these things?

It's ridiculous, how much these things cost. If I wanted to use a fresh blade every day (HA! As if I could afford such luxury), I would be spending well over $10.99 *a week* simply to remove stubble from my face, and that doesn't even factor in the cost of shaving gel.

But the Mach 3/illicit drug analogy doesn't end there. Interestingly enough, at nearly every grocery/convenience store I've visited, Mach 3 blades are treated as prized commodities, sealed under locked glass, or behind the cashier's counter. All other brands of razors-- including the Shick Quatro, i.e. "The False Pretender"-- are present, stacked high in the aisle. However, the ultra-rare Mach 3 blades must be protected at all costs. Heaven forbid if anyone as foolish as *I* wanted to, you know, give the store money in order to purchase their goods.

Finally, much like the illegal drug marketplace, the Mach 3 razor has become the Mach 3 family of razors, with new designer blades to fill every niche. First, there was the original, basic set of three blades. Then came the Mach 3 "Turbo," which for something like sixty bucks a pack you can buy your face the comfort of an additional lubricating strip.

Yesterday, I purchased for the first time the Mach 3 "M3 Power" razor. The gimmick here is that a little AAA battery-powered micromotor vibrates the triple-blade, supposedly delivering a closer shave.

Personally, I think the trick here is that the razor no longer cuts you facial hair, it just shakes the shit out of it.

Using the razor this morning, the only difference I noticed is that it made shaving roughly 150% more annoying than it already is. The only benefit I could fathom is just how great this razor would be if I were a woman-- but obviously, not for the reasons advertised.

Oh well. Such is the curse of the modern man interested in baby-smooth skin.

I guess it beats taking an Epilady to my face, eh?
Comments:
Hi, my name is Joe (hi Joe)..and..and..I use a Mach 3 razor. I've been using one for three years now...and...and..I feel so dirty!
 
I've just started using the MultiGlide Shave Gel, and love it. It seems to be a little closer. Only downside is that my face seems drier, although that could be the weather too. It's easily handled anyway.

http://tinyurl.com/5ztkp
 
Personally, I'm a little leery of having one shaking razor blade next to my jugular, let alone three of em.
 
An interesting fact about the M3 vibrating razor is that Gillette also owns the Duracell brand. So the product is basically a gimmick to help them sell more batteries.

Energizer Holdings, apparently alarmed at being locked out of the lucrative battery-powered shaving appliance market, bought Gillette competitor Schick.

Does it strike anyone else as weird that the top two shaving brands also happen to run the top two battery brands? What a strange tie-up.
 
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