Tuesday, December 14, 2004


Tom Wolfe Wins Bad Sex Award.

Huh. Whaddya know. Tom Wolfe and I have something in common.

Oh, wait; that's not an awad for *bad sex*-- that's an award for bad sex *writing*:

LONDON, England (Reuters) -- American author and journalist Tom Wolfe won one of the world's most dreaded literary accolades on Monday -- the British prize for bad sex in fiction.

The prize is awarded each year "to draw attention to the crude, tasteless, often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in the modern novel."

Wolfe won it for a couple of purple passages from his latest novel "I am Charlotte Simmons," a tale of campus life at an exclusive U.S. university.

"Slither slither slither slither went the tongue," one of his winning sentences begins.

"But the hand that was what she tried to concentrate on, the hand, since it has the entire terrain of her torso to explore and not just the otorhinolaryngological caverns -- oh God, it was not just at the border where the flesh of the breast joins the pectoral sheath of the chest -- no, the hand was cupping her entire right -- Now!"
Is it warm in here, or is it just me?

I don't know about you, but I haven't been this turned on since the *last* time I went spelunking in the otorhinolaryngological caverns of a woman.

Hey, I'm just happy that no one nominated my "Guide To Being A Pentagon Action Officer" briefing for this award. The sex scenes in that are HOT!

There's just something about Powerpoint that brings out the romantic in me:
When coordinating a staff summary sheet in the Pentagon, you must communicate your desires to the staff-- talk to the staff, manipulate the staff, stimulate the staff, energize the staff, unleash the staff. Only then will your staff rise to your demands and respond to your devotion.

In addition, please ensure that you sign and date the sheet.
Hmmm. I think I've got a literary future here. . .

my otorhinolaryngological caverns are sweating
Wow Dave, you sure know a lot about what to do with a staff. I should look into this whole Pentagon thing.
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