Monday, January 03, 2005


I Don't Know How I Should Feel About This.

Care of the invaluable website Good Plastic Surgery:

Before "exhaustion," after "exhaustion."

Yeah, that's why she was in the hospital. Boy, do I have a lovely bridge to sell you in return for that one.

I didn't even know you could check into the hospital for exhaustion. I usually just take a nap. My guess is, with my upcoming work schedule, sometime in May I'll be checking into Betty Ford so I can catch some quality shut eye.

Part of me is upset, because part of me (the part of me I like to refer to as "Vigo, The Scourge of Carpathia") kinda enjoyed Lohan's new Corvettes. Yeah, I know; dirty old man.

However, the other part of me, the part that likes the flip side of Shredded Wheats, recognized that down the path of plastic surgery lies the Dark Side.

Little Lindsay was a cute girl who developed into a real looker, yet the moment she tasted success, she apparently became determined to race down the road leading to a terribly sad place: Tara Reid.

Gee, one would think that with such a perfect example of what NOT to do staring her in the face, Lohan would've waved off like Maverick on a bad carrier approach. Maybe her, ahhh, reconfigured assets represent a retreat from disaster, and none too soon.

Hey, we all do stupid things when we're young, right? Even me.

Only my stupid didn't involve surgery, booze, and wreckless shopping.

Okay, the boozing was/is there, but the other two? No thanks.

UPDATE: If you think this post represents a new low for me, just go and visit Son of Nixon for some even better slumming as he takes apart Nicole Ritchie like the BoSox dismantled the Cards.

See? SEE? This is what happens when there's no good politics to write about. The dogs stop playing fetch and return to sniffing crotches.

The paper today had a headline reading "Who will be the new Brit?" - with accompanying photos of Lohan, Aguilera, etc.

And I'm thinking as I'm waiting in line to pay for the paper, "I don't think any of these girls is British"

Oh--- they meant the new "Britney" -- ahhhh. Maybe I'm getting old. Or maybe I'm just wise enough not to give a shit about taking odds on who will become the next Great American Slut Role Model.
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