Saturday, January 08, 2005


I Want You To Sue Me As Hard As You Can.

Wow, who could have seen this coming?:

LOS ANGELES - Hollywood glamour couple Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston have split, Pitt's longtime publicist confirmed Friday.

"We would like to announce that after seven years together we have decided to formally separate," the couple said in a joint statement released by Pitt's publicist Cindy Guagenti. "For those who follow these sorts of things, we would like to explain that our separation is not the result of any speculation reported by the tabloid media. This decision is the result of much thoughtful consideration."

The couple didn't indicate if they planned to file for divorce, and Guagenti declined to comment beyond the statement, which also said, "We happily remain committed and caring friends with great love and admiration for one another."
I may have just lost my faith in love.

If two perfect people in Hollywood can't make a marriage last, how can the rest of us?

I'm shocked, frankly. They looked so happy in People Magazine. They always held hands at premieres. They canoodled at baseball games.

I. . . I just don't get it. Were Brad and Jennifer. . . living a lie?

This is awful. Think of the poor publicists now out of work. Like poor Cindy Guagenti, who loved kittens, volunteered at an orphanage, and was going to use her Ocean's 12 bonus to take her dying Nana to Dollywood this summer.

Think of the poor paparazzi who won't catch Brad & Jennifer smooching topless in Bimini ever again.

For heaven's sake, think of the children!

Okay, *Brad & Jennifer* didn't have children, but what kind of example do they set for our, uh, your children?

Sad news. So very sad.

At least there's always a bright side. He'ssssssssssss single!

Full disclosure: I've been hard on the fairer sex lately here at Garfield Ridge. I call them crazy. I call them my sensual playthings. I find whatever excuse I can to post pictures of scantily-clad stacked chicks. Really, it takes all my strength to avoid turning this site into a 24/7 Vivid Video pornblog.

Because, as a wise man once said, women are not people, they are devices built by our Lord Jesus Christ for our entertainment.

So, I guess I owe a little beefcake to the ladies. In honor of Brad's newfound availability, I give you a picture that makes me feel really insecure:

Settle down ladies, there's enough for everyone.

I figure that photo has to excuse at least a dozen Barely Legal references in the next few weeks.

THEY ARE WHAT?!! How can this be? How come no one told me... when the hell did this happen? I love this couple to death! And now what... all that adoration down the drain? Life's a bitch...
Of course, I still swear that I know a MAN that went on a date with Brad Pitt at their common university, the University of Missouri at Columbia....

Angus. . . you know a man? Wow. I always assumed it took one to know one.

Guess I was wrong.

Thanks for the eyecandy Dave! MMMMMMMMM.....brad pitt......Shevonne
Slow news day? I'm taking two aspirins, call me in the morning.
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