Saturday, January 08, 2005

 

Slow News Day (And I Hate Diet Soda).

American sub runs aground off of Guam. Injuries, one critically, but no deaths. Sub underway, returning to Guam.

Kevin Spacey set to play Lex Luthor in the new Superman film helmed by X-Men director Bryan Singer.

Spacey is a good choice, I guess, but I still feel this movie is non-essential. What possible angles are there left to play with Superman? At least with the upcoming Batman Begins, we get to see a different origin story than has been shown on screen before. But with Superman, I just don't know. . . Christopher Reeves owns that role on the big screen, and unless they're trying to do something different, I just can't get excited.

I'm trying to wean myself off of regular soda onto diet, yet again. It's not really a New Year's resolution; more like common sense. I was easily up to a *thousand calories a day* just from soda alone. I'm no fan of Steve Spurlock, but he had a point about the super-sizing. Given that my weight has stayed pretty stable the last five or so years, I figure that cutting out that many calories can only help.

Problem is, diet soda blows vomit chunks. The stuff tastes like ass. I've tried several times to drink nothing but diet, but after about a week or so, I've always fallen off the wagon, because let's be honest, Nutrasweet is Satan's teat juice. Sucralose ain't any better in my book; even a half-calorie option like Coca-Cola C2 or Pepsi Edge still tastes like chimp pus strained through a filthy sock. I figure that, if I'm going to drink something awful, I might as well drink the awful that has no calories vice the awful with half the calories.

Believe it or not, the best thing I've found so far in the transition is Diet Vanilla Pepsi. Yeah, it's gross, but it's got enough variety of artificial flavors in there to convince me that it almost tastes like a normal soda. Diet Pepsi's okay too. My favorite regular soda is Dr. Pepper, but Diet Dr. Pepper is a beverage abortion, although I hope my opinion can change with time.

As for Diet Coke. . . pardon my French, but Diet Coke tastes like regular Coke like my hand fucks like Jenna Jameson.

Anyways, I know anyone wise out there will say "Just drink water!" but if I wanted to rely solely on water I'd burn my house down, move to a North Woods lake, and build myself a survivalist cabin stocked with guns like these. Diet Soda is the beverage equivalent to celery-- useless calories, but it fills you up when you need to keep the addiction routine going.

Man, how hard is it to genetically fix sugar so it has no calories, but still have the same taste? All this talk of biotechnology, yet the one frickin' thing that would change the world for the better, and no one's figured it out? Hell with them AIDS patients; I want Mountain Dew that tastes like Mountain Dew but won't pack on the pounds.

It's a travesty, I tell ya.


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