Thursday, January 13, 2005


Smooth Move, Ex-Lax.

The Sun:

I'm surprised the ghost of Winston Churchill didn't show up and beat the living snot out of the brat.

It's not that I'm particularly upset about wearing Nazi memorabilia in jest. Coming as Col. Klink to a costume party doesn't mean that you're an honorary member of the party. You have to brass ones to do it, however.

No, what bothers me is, ummm, how do I put this? Prince Harry is a *member of the British royal family.* You don't get to do ironic humor as a royal. It's a big loss, sure; but in return you get castles and money and shit. That's a pretty nice trade in anyone's book.

Of course, lots of people take delight in wagering on the "imminent" demise of the British royals. Antiquated institution, undemocratic, unnecessary, and an embarrassment.

I'll grant those critics the antiquated bit, and sadly, the embarrassment as well. But the undemocratic and unnecessary charges are out of line. As long as we wish to maintain the nation-state, there will always be a role for national symbols. In times of waste, those symbols are afforded the freedom to make fools of themselves. In times of trial, those symbols must stand firm, and in the case of the U.K., represent the best that is Britain.

We're obviously in a time of waste over there.

Anyways, what the Sun doesn't know is that this isn't Prince Harry's first dabbling in Nazism. Here are some other signs of Prince Harry's Nazi flirtation:

-- Demands he be called "Mein Harry" at the Wimpy's drive-thru.
-- Spent December's allowance outfitting a light panzer division.
-- Incessantly rings Britain's
Office of Science and Technology asking when "The Boys From Brazil" will be possible.
-- Whenever he starts losing at Axis and Allies, he lapses into a nervous breakdown, calls his friends "backstabbers," and threatens to swallow cyanide pills.
-- Dumped his last girl Lydia for a new bird: Helga, The Bitch-Frau of Bavaria.
-- Laughs during Schindler's List.
Paolo Di Canio is his favorite football player.

Seriously: get Harry into the Army. It'll do him some good to get shot at.

Ahhhhhhh haha!!!

I hadn't heard Smooth Move, Ex-Lax. In fucking YEARS! You just rocked me with that one man. Rocked me. People used to say that to me all the time. Cuz i was, you know.. always so smooth.

I'm just keeping it real, Hans.
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