Thursday, January 06, 2005


The Ugliest Jewelry In America?

So, I'm on the phone with my pal Lori Wednesday night, mutually flipping through the television channels, taking time to make fun of all the Spanish soap operas, stupid MTV videos, and public access weirdos.

That is, until, I came across the Shop NBC channel, and saw this ring for sale, the Trillion Cut Amethyst & Diamond Ring:

I'm sorry, but this picture doesn't do justice to just how honkin' big this ring is, although it sure does relate its ugliness. After Lori switched channels, I immediately told her this ring looked like a $1500 ring pop.

But if an Amethyst the size of an Oreo cookie ain't your kinda rock, than perhaps the Citrine, Sapphire & Tsavorite Ring is the bling you're looking for?

What is that, amber? Is there Dino DNA stuck in that thing?

My personal favorite is actually one of the less-expensive rings available, the Round Swirl Ring.

Who woulda thunk that one could pattern a ring after the Ptolemaic Model of the Solar System?

There's a lot more hideous where those came from, better-left-unseen here.

Now, yeah, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but. . . BUT. These rings are expensive. $1000, $1500, even $3000. I can take the rocks outta any one of these rings and get them set in a much less obnoxious piece of jewelry and actually end up with a pretty class act.

Instead, while each of these rings have the right ingredients, they're assembled all wrong. Just like those 300-lb tumors that contain hair, and teeth.

At least we now know where Dr. Strange does his shopping.

>At least we now know where Dr. Strange
>does his shopping.

Yeah, but the Mandarin is their number one customer.
Good catch, I always forget about that guy. The "lost" member of the Village People.
A tumor with teeth? Thanks. I just threw up.


-Fat Kid
I think Ralphie used the bottom one to decode his secret message:

What, and your tumor doesn't have teeth?
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