Tuesday, January 11, 2005


A Very Useful List.

How to Argue With Females.

A sample?
Step 10. Don't be intimidated by the water works. That's their ultimate contingency, knowing that guys can't deal with a crying girl. Stay strong, don't let yourself get emotional, just think of something funny. Replay scenes from "Office Space" in your head if you must.
Please note: this also works during Pentagon briefings.

Now, if you believe this works it would go a long way to explaining your status as single. But we all know you are far more enlightened than that....right?

Hey, I didn't say what it worked *for*. . .

Jen: It's all in good fun, of course.

With that in mind, my favorite would be a tie between:

"Step 3. Don't be afraid to take cheap shots. Ever argue with a girl about something and they randomly insult you with something that has no relevance to the argument? That's their way of trying to wear you down and push you off-topic. Fight fire with fire, I say. Tell her she has a fat ass, small boobs, an ugly face, disorienting facial hair, unwieldy hips, and is a genuinely awful person."


"Step 8. Don't be fooled by "Let's stop arguing please." That's their way of making you let your guard down, so they can swoop in after you're worn down. Instead, say something like "Yeah, all this being right is exhausting for me." Pisses them off. Just trust me."

Not that I've ever used, or would consider using, either, mind you.
Number 1 was pretty funny, number 9 didn't make any sense. Who the hell hunts deer with a shotgun? Besides John F'n Kerry.
Give the writer of the list a hand! It's the only date he's getting for a long, long time. :)
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