Saturday, February 05, 2005


Colorado Teens Fined for Giving Cookies to Neighbor.

DURANGO, Colo. (Reuters) - A Colorado judge ordered two teen-age girls to pay about $900 for the distress a neighbor said they caused by giving her home-made cookies adorned with paper hearts.

The pair were ordered to pay $871.70 plus $39 in court costs after neighbor Wanita Renea Young, 49, filed a lawsuit complaining that the unsolicited cookies, left at her house after the girls knocked on her door, had triggered an anxiety attack that sent her to the hospital the next day.
Read more about this travesty of justice here.

My first reaction to this story? I hope Wanita Renea Young's uterus falls out.

Her neighbors care enough about her to give her a gift, and she gets the vapors? And then *sues*? Whatever happened to "thank you?"

If Ms Young knew that getting her ugly sleep interrupted at 10:30 at night could trigger an anxiety attack, then it was her responsibility to put a sign on the door, don't you think?

And if she didn't know she'd have that reaction, then the neighbor girls did her a favor.

If I lived in that neighborhood, here are the things I would like to leave on Ms Young's front stoop:

-- A flaming bag of dog shit.
-- Pecan cookies made of dog shit.
-- A dog-shit stuffed pumpkin with a note stabbed on it with a knife, the note reading "You."
-- A fluffy bunny rabbit, covered in dog shit.
-- Seventeen hot jumbo anchovy-and-dog shit pizzas.
-- A dog shit sculpture of a garden gnome flipping her off.
-- Forty subscriptions to Vibe.

UPDATE: Garfield Ridge reader MarkLevinFan has a post on this subject, including audio commentary from conservative talk radio host Mark Levin (who I've never heard-- he's on in NYC-- but I'm sure plays nice with puppies).

While I am never one to insult my readers-- except Angus-- I will take a slight issue with MarkLevinFan's choice in screen names.

Having a blog dedicated to your favorite commentator/politician/mortuary scientist isn't a bad thing, but I don't get why you would go around with a screen name like that. It's a little stalkerish. (Stalkery?)

I can only imagine how weird it would be if I followed that rule-- I'd be posting as RummysPentagonRulez, or AutoeroticAsphyxiationPlushies4Ever. A wee cumbersome.

However, if anyone out there wants to start up a blog entitled "GarfieldRidgeFan," you'll be a hero of mine forever.

If those two young ladies showed up on my porch at 10:30pm I'd have an anxiety attack too. They're a couple of cuties and they had cookies.

The hag that sued them looks just like I expected her to look.

Off topic: We had a family of 5 killed by a burning bag of dog poop in OKC last year. It set the house on fire.

Mike the DBS
Hey Mike, glad to see you around here again--

Yowzers. I've never actually done the burning dog droppings trick, but I know that if I did, I'd still maintain my healthy respect for fire.

I can see it now: they put a burning bag on the guy's *wooden* porch. . .
Dave - I'm glad you don't live near me.

Mike - Should we be discouraging potential young bag-of-dog-crap-pranksters with scary stories like this?
tsk tsk
You can hear what Mark Levin had to say about this topic here:

Also, Mark mentions something that Clinton gave us that is similar to language in this post. Check this out:
It was a wooden porch, they had burglar bars and the garage was packed with boxes (they were moving soon) so they couldn't get out that way. The cops only suspect was a teenage girl that lived next door, but I think there was some problem with how they got a confession. I think she was a little slow too. Apparently that'll get you off in a lot of situations. I'll have to try that if I ever torch my boss's house.

Now if the CO hag has a concrete porch, I say go for it.

Mike the DBS
That's the 2nd "stalker" comment I've received since I started the blog in October. I use that screen name to advertise my blog and stay anonymous at the same time. Sorry you don't like it.

I'm only joking, don't take it so hard.

MarkLevinFanFan? Ha! No problem!
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