Wednesday, February 23, 2005

 

Lawsuit Alleges Sean Connery Is a Bully.

"Alleges"?

I think we already know the answer to this mystery. From the AP:
A downstairs neighbor of debonaire James Bond actor Sean Connery has filed a $30 million lawsuit alleging he's a bully who's trying to force the family out of the townhouse they share.

"Notwithstanding the cinematic James Bond image of consummate finesse, the defendant Connery, in true Dr. Jekyll-Mr. Hyde fashion, acts the part in real life of a bully who ignores norms of neighborliness and decency," the court papers say.
Now, really. . . Sean Connery? Come now, I find this hard to believe.

Wait. . . no, no I don't. I don't find this hard to believe at all.

C'mon, the guy is old. And Scottish. OF COURSE he's gonna be a piehole.


Would you like to pet my pussy galore?
The lawsuit also claims the famous upstairs neighbor is harassing the Sultans "by playing loud music at all hours and stomping about." On April 7, 2002, one of the Sultans' daughters knocked on Connery's door and requested quiet.

"Connery's appearance and behavior was that of a rude, foul-mouthed, fat old man," court papers say. "Cursing and otherwise using indecent language Connery demeaned Marla's father, refused to lower the noise and slammed the door in her face."
A rude, foul-mouthed, fat old man? I'm pretty sure the court just described my Dad.

Anyways, if there's any justice in the world, Darrell Hammond is already cribbing notes for this week's edition of Saturday Night Live. This incident cries out for parody.


You don't like my loud music, eh? HA! Kiss my dirty feet, you insufferable rogue bastards!

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