Tuesday, February 15, 2005

 

Outstanding Beer Ratings.

I find very little to disagree with on this man's wonderful list.

THE BIG OL' BLACK TABLE BEER RUN.

Be sure to click through the multiple pages at bottom.

A few comments on some of his chosen beers:

-- Miller High Life: The Paris to Miller Lite's Nikki. I can't drink this stuff without thinking of those powdered donuts in the High Life commercial from a few years back. Mmmm. . . donuts. . .

-- Presidente: My buddy Marshall spent months as a promoter for this foul-tasting import. Out of every hundred cases, I think he gave fifty free to bars, and gave the other forty-nine to his pals. The last case was broken-bottle wastage.

-- Colt 45: It's not bad. In fact, kept cold, it's actually pretty good. No, really. I'm serious. Hey, stop looking at me like that! Don't make me bust out my gat and cap yo ass!

Alas, by the time any mere mortal/white person like myself gets down to the 40th now-lukewarm ounce, you feel like vomiting in the bottle's insulating paper bag.

-- Yuengling: America's oldest brewery, and I didn't drink this stuff until a few years ago. Now THAT'S shitty advertising. Dependably boring, but I like dependable and boring (it explains my job).

-- Michelob Ultra: The guy's description is spot-on. I drank five of these during the Superbowl without so much as a yawn. I think I've gotten drunker *smelling* some beers.

-- Coors Light: God, I hate this stuff. Like the man says-- it's New Jersey uterine wash.

-- Red Dog: Ahhh, it's nice to know someone else recognizes the Dog for what is-- the #1 choice of White Hat date rapists in colleges nationwide. Spend a night in the dorm mixing cans of Red Dog, Natty Light, and the Milwaukee Beast, and you were destined for a rendezvous with a taser.

-- Sapporo: The beer isn't that old-- it began brewing in 1887-- but for some reason, I still have trouble grasping the concept of Japanese beer. Every time I drink this or Kirin, I wonder why it doesn't taste like fugo wine or Gojira sweat. Good stuff, if surprisingly large.

-- Zima: When I want alcohol, but I also want a Sprite.

-- Old Style: Okay, he doesn't review it, but I had to put out a shout for the beer that causes gout.

Yes, gout: my cousin Robby said he had a real bad case of gout until he stopped drinking the fully kreuzened elixir of Chicago glory. I never quite understood the correlation between beer that tastes strained through a sock and excessive uric acid buildup, but that may be because I am twice as manly as Robby is; I just carry it better.

Must be my mother's genes.
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Comments:
If Old Style caused Gout, I'd have lost both my lower extremities YEARS ago.
 
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